Synopsis Apocalypse

It sounds like I'm going over board again doesn't it? The voice of reason irritatingly pops into my head like much unavoidable Internet trash. "Stella, don't be silly. Writing a synopsis can't be as dramatic and depressing as an Apocalypse." I say, shut up little voice of reason!! Have you ever tried condensing 500 pages of blood sweat and tears into under 5??? Huh? Well have you??!!! Errrrgggg! "But Stella, that is what many literary agents want to read before they inquire more about your manuscript. After all they do not want to waste their precious time reading 500 pages of garbage." .....must....hold in.....rage....before I turn into....giant green monster.....bent on destroying everything in path!!! There are very few things that can be nicely condensed to that extent. Things like bed sheets, parachutes, or the whole Lord of the Rings saga for that matter, would benefit from the ability to be squished nicely in to a smaller package. But the prospect of writing a synopsis for my novel is painful. I have to give away all the secrets and twists in a butchered 2-5 pages, and make someone find interest in this amputated version of my story. "Quit bitching and just do it already Stella." Yeah yeah. I know. For those of you wondering, I do have arguments with myself all the time. For all those who think that's weird, there are two types of people in the world. The people who argue with themselves on a regular basis, and those in white padded rooms wearing jackets that buckle in the back. Ha hahahahaha!!! Ahhhhhh! Have to go. Must write painful synopsis now.